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Last Auto Account – Big Three Bailout: Now In Sitcom Form It’s deja vu all over again! One anniversary ago, Chrysler and its ancestor company, Cerberus Capital Management LP, alleged off alliance talks with GM, claiming that a alliance would be too abundant to handle accustomed aggregate abroad that’s traveling down. Today, however, comes chat from the Wall Street Journal that Chrysler came back–they just couldn’t break away. ..Last Auto account – It’s deja vu all over again! One anniversary ago, Chrysler and its ancestor company, Cerberus Capital Management LP, alleged off alliance talks with GM, claiming that a alliance would be too abundant to handle accustomed aggregate abroad that’s traveling down. Today, however, comes that Chrysler came back–they just couldn’t break away. But of course, there’s aswell chat from GM that such rumors are, you know, absolutely bogus. And now Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson is accepting up in everybody’s business (literally) like the Car Czar he appealing abundant wants to be.

This is absolutely confusing, people, so to accomplish faculty of it, I’m traveling to explain it like an adventure of Three’s Company. Those of you who are too adolescent to remember, yield notes.

The lights appear up on a tasteful, Detroit-area apartment. Chrissy (aka Chrysler) is accepting agitation paying the rent. Janet (aka GM) is aswell accepting some problems of the pocketbook variety. They’re sitting on the daybed talking about their problems, bubbler tea or possibly Tab, the admirable drink. Chrissy and Janet are affable enough, but there’s astriction in the air–not the acceptable kind.

Enter Jack (aka Cerberus Capital Management LP). Jack’s somewhat emotionally retarded, and on a claimed level, he doesn’t affliction abundant about the two women in his life; he just wants to be happy. He’s got some affectionate of cool anesthetic ascendancy over Chrissy, but not over her wallet. On the added hand, he absolutely owns Janet’s pocketbook, but she’s clashing against him personally.

Jack listens to Chrissy and Janet go on and on and on, and eventually he hatches a crazy scheme: he thinks that he can break everyone’s problems by having, um, “relations” with both women. In fact, as it turns out, Jack is a closet polygamist, who’s advertent the abstraction of marrying both Chrissy and Janet and accumulation everyone’s money into one big coffer account! Jack trips clumsily over the daybed and slides amid the two women to alpha persuading them to go forth with the plan.

Enter Mr. Furley (aka Henry Paulson) who’s demography accord courses to become a alliance counselor. He consistently anticipation Jack was gay, so he’s a little abashed to see Jack nestled calmly amid Janet and Chrissy, but whatever–it’s a accomplished new world, right? All four arch over to the Regal Beagle, and afterwards a few beers and some darts, Jack reveals his plan. Well, anybody is befuddled into a tizzy. Chrissy feels aching and kinda jealous. Janet is afraid but secretly angry on. And Mr. Furley feels absolutely old and borderline and scared. Anybody starts shouting and Jack stumbles over a few tables, and the adventure ends as Larry (Ford) walks in, sees the chaos, and exits after adage much.

Which is to say: everything’s vaguely adverse and nothing’s decided, and there are about a bejillion altered means this could go and none of them will end with a beam track. Break tuned…. – Richard Read

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